Gestures
Dear Heart,
Another year gone by, another chance to celebrate our togetherness and our abiding love. How lucky I feel to have you in my life!
We just dodged a bullet: tropical storm Henri came through and dropped TONS of rain on us ~ though fortunately, no wind to speak of. Looking at the woods this morning, I’ve never seen the water level as high. And Maja’s back garden is inundated halfway to the house. Pretty exciting, eh? But so far everything is holding.
Brilliant sunshine today, in the storm’s aftermath ~ makes it a perfect day to celebrate: Happy Anniversary, dearest!
I love you so!
Dear Heart,
Tell me, what shall I make for you to celebrate Father's Day?
A fluffy omelet, your favorite soft-scrambled eggs, a hearty bowl of oatmeal? Or just a luscious dish of ice cream?
While you ponder your options, let's build a bonfire to celebrate the Summer Solstice as well!
Dearest Peter, our love just goes on and on ~ and I'm so grateful!
Love you!
Dear Heart,
Exactly two years ago you left medical misery behind, along with the life you loved and the happiness we shared.
Now it’s a brilliantly sunny day, just as it was then ~ so hard to say goodbye when the world seems to be rejoicing.
I feel you ever-present, dearest, but miss you every day.
You are loved!
Sweetheart,
It's Mother's Day, and I'm remembering the charming violet bouquets you'd bring me, just as you did for your mother when you were a little boy. The last was two years ago ~ haven't had the heart to go out and pick one myself since then.
The lilies-of-the-valley are out, dear, and the lilac is starting to bloom. AND it's raining: your garden is singing!
Miss you so, my love.
Dear Heart.
Although it's a cloudy, cold Sunday morning, we have two reasons to celebrate: Happy Easter, and happy anniversary!
The crocuses and snowdrops have come and gone, but now the vinca blossoms are peeking out, and the forsythia is well on its way to exploding in gold.
Your loving kindness, your smile, the happiness we shared ~ so grateful for it all.
Love you!
Sweetheart,
I feel you here with me right now, as the snow gently falls outside.
Your Foxy friend was here this morning ~ you would have loved to see how healthy and vigorous he looks, with his lovely bushy tail.
No deer today, but they'll be back, though the deep snow does make it harder for them to come up to the back door as usual.
Let's settle down, all snug and cozy, and relish being warm and safe despite the snow outside. A steaming cup of hot chocolate awaits!
Love you, dear!
Dear Heart,
Such exciting news: there's a swan on the pond again!
But, alas, she's gliding over the water all alone.
Surely she's wondering what's happened to her mate, and surely she misses him (I know all about that!)
Nonetheless, she seems to find solace in making tranquil circles over the pond's surface and soaking up the sun.
Perhaps I can draw a lesson from that?
Love you, dearest!
Dear Heart,
How shall we celebrate today!
Shall we go out back and drink in the tranquil beauty of the woods?
Shall we focus on our bird feeder to delight in the acrobatics of our little feathered friends?
Or shall we prepare and savor something delicious: your seared lime-drizzled scallops, or my cool, refreshing gazpacho?
How I miss the camaraderie of meals shared with you!
In all these ways, I hold you close to my heart, dearest.
Happy anniversary!
Love you, dear Captain,
your first mate
Dear Heart,
What a big blow we had today!
Tropical Storm Isaias (no longer a hurricane) raced through, drenching us with rain and tossing the trees around for a couple of hours.
We even lost power a few times, but never longer than a couple of minutes.
Thank goodness we were hunkered down, watching all the drama from a safe distance.
Tomorrow we'll survey the damage and pick up all the broken branches.
Meanwhile, there's a beautiful full moon rising ~ promise of light for another day.
Do you remember, dearest, that you are loved?
Dearest,
How shall we celebrate today?
First, there was the fawn that leaped out of the tall grass out back ~ don't know which of us was more startled!
Then, the beautiful fox that came to enjoy the treats I'd put out as an offering.
And last, the five (!!!) four-leaf clovers I found for you ~ you know how much you loved that!
Happy birthday, dear boy.
Don't forget: YOU ARE LOVED!
Hugs,
your first mate
Alex
Peter, beloved,
It’s no longer customary to think of today’s holiday as Decoration Day, but that is what I shall call it. After all, every day has been Memorial Day for me since you’ve been gone.
And your prediction was on target, dear ~ I do remember everything: your sparkling wit, your brilliant mind, our grand adventures, the tenderness and love we shared.
Thank you for everything, my sweet Captain.
You are forever loved by
your first mate
Dearest Peter, my darling boy,
What a sad anniversary we have now reached!
How I remember holding your hand during your last days here, trying to infuse my love, my strength, my hope to you as life was ebbing!
Right now, spring moves on outside: the lilacs are in full bloom, and the lilies-of-the-valley are coming into their fragrant own.
And yet, my heart breaks to think you’re not here to savor it all.
Or perhaps you ARE?
Everywhere I look, I see reminders of YOU: your strength, your confidence, your optimism: wish I could feel it now!
Please don’t forget: you are LOVED.
Everlastingly,
Alex
Dear Heart,
It’s Mother’s Day, and of course my thoughts travel back to last year: how you got Rob to pick violets and make a little bouquet for you to give me in the long-time family Mother’s Day practice, just as you had done with your mother long ago, when you were a little boy.
Sick as you were last May, you still remembered and kept faith with that tradition.
At the time it brought me to tears, dear, but made me SO grateful for the love you were sharing with me.
This year there’s no one to pick that bouquet, not even myself: hard to pick little flowers from a wheelchair!
But the memory of your loving gesture last year keeps me going: thank you for that, my love!
Ever in my heart, you are.
And forever loved.
Peter dear,
Such an exciting day yesterday:
First, there were the little snow flurries that came mid-afternoon ~ SO unusual for May!
A little later, we had an extraordinary visitor: an indigo bunting that flew away before I could snap a picture. Lucky thing I’ve got the in-board camera in my head that homed in on the little fellow, enough to identify him with confidence. How you would have loved to see him. so pretty and blue! Gotta call Audubon to see how rare a sighting this might be.
To cap the day: when I checked to find out who had triggered the motion-sensor-activated light out back, whom should I see but Mr. Bear, right by the back door, feasting on sunflower seeds I’d put out for the birds. Neither your powerful flashlight nor my ringing the back-door bell deterred him: he was enjoying those seeds! Only when he’d gotten every last one off the stone wall did he stroll away into the darkness.
He looked so strong, so confident, so vigorous, his thick black fur shining in the glow of the flashlight. How you would have relished that visit!
Did you send him?
Love you, dear!
Dear Heart,
After last year, I can never again think of May as a happy month.
Nonetheless, the crabapple tree out front is in bloom, the lilacs are in bud, and even your beloved oak tree is starting to sprout leaves.
How I miss you, dearest!
Don't forget: you are loved.
Happy May Day!
your first mate
Peter dear,
Such exciting news: just saw the first yellow goldfinch, glorious in his courting finery. The goldfinch ladies will be SO impressed!
Provided, of course, that they glimpse him at the feeder, as I did. If he dashes over to the forsythia for cover, he'll be near invisible amid all those exuberant yellow blossoms.
How lucky we are to witness all these harbingers of spring!
I love you, dear Captain ~
Sweetheart,
The forsythia is a blaze of gold, the little purple vinca blossoms are peeking out of last year's dry leaves, and there's steady crow traffic around the big pines out back ~ surely they're raising a new family there.
How you would love seeing spring unfold right outside our window!
And oh, how I miss you!
Happy anniversary, dear ~ don't forget: you are loved.
Dear Heart,
How glad I am you have escaped all this coronavirus madness! Getting you to the hospital would be SO difficult now, and SO fraught with danger!
Anyway, looking out today I saw one of our magnificent hawks, coming to rest in the pine trees. Quickly harassed away by a crow family, he settled on the (still bare) branches of another tree).
Remember how I told you that any day I saw a hawk was a GOOD day? So that was it, despite everything.
Oh, how I miss you! But Oh, how glad I am that YOU are safe from all this!
Love, love, love to you ~
Good news, Dear Heart:
The swans are back!
Driving to our traditional Saturday morning diner breakfast today (in defiance of coronavirus social distancing), I glimpsed them there together on the Pocono pond.
I took their presence as an omen: your spirit is here with me, and we're gliding together peacefully through these troubled waters.
Love you, dear!
Peter dear,
Well, we've made it safely into the new decade.
But I sure could have used one of your famous bear hugs at midnight ~ sad to see the new year in without that.
Now we'll see whether that bayberry candle can work its magic. I'll let you know.
I love you, dear Captain,
your first mate
Dear Heart,
Our New Year's Eve bayberry candle is burning down to its nub as midnight approaches.
Tradition says that will bring luck for the new year.
May that be so ~ though whatever luck it brings, that won't seem so lucky without you here.
Still, whether here or there, don't forget:
You are loved.
Sweetheart,
There's a gorgeous full moon rising tonight: what they call the"Cold Moon."
This morning's dusting of snow made such pretty patterns on the bare branches of the trees.
Thinking of you, both with the full moon and with the delicate snow patterns in the branches.
How I miss you!
and love you ~
Peter dear,
The season's first snow has left a lovely blanket on the woods ~ so beautiful!
Taking a break from shoveling right now, I think of all the times we did it as a team: you with the snow blower, I with my trusty shovel.
Now, it's taking a lot more time and effort without your help!
Still, I think of how cozy it was, back inside for a well-deserved rest, when we'd made good progress on clearing the snow.
You are with me every day, dear one: thank you!
Love you,
Alex
Dear Heart,
Happy Fibonacci Day!
(You mathematicians know what that's all about ~)
Today the birds are complaining because I'm not always filling the feeder fast enough.
Wish you were here to alert me of that need as you always did!
Doing the best I can, darlin', but I sure do miss you!
Love and hugs,
your first mate
Dear Heart,
Today it’s exactly six months since you left medical misery behind, along with the life you loved and the happiness we shared.
Much as I miss your physical presence, our tender moments, our “little interludes” at 6 a.m., your spirit surrounds me and gives me such comfort. Thank you for that, dearest.
Don’t forget: you are loved!
Sweetheart,
Remember how you asked us to send you little telegraphic messages from time to time? This is one of those.
Saw a junco today, the first of the season. He was all decked out in his state-gray-and-white finery, looking plump and vigorous.
You know what his appearance signifies: Winter is coming!
To go with that, the first snowflakes came flying out of the sky yesterday. Not enough to stick on the ground, but enough to portend the coming of the snow season.
Just think how lucky you are: no more shoveling, no more snow blowing ~ that’s someone else’s responsibility now!
Though I’m sad that you’re not here to do it, I’m happy for your liberation from all those tasks ~
Do you know you are loved, and remembered?
Hugs to you, dear one ~
Such good news, dear: the swans are still here!
I thought for sure they would have left by now, but there they are on the pond, seemingly unconcerned about the nor'easter blasting all around.
Perhaps they want to be here for tomorrow's remembrance celebration. You would like that, wouldn't you?
Love you!
Dear Heart,
Your swans are in residence!
When they spiraled down to the pond, I thought it would be one of their regular (rare) 2-hour visits before they moved on.
But it's been three days now, and they're still here!
Did you ask them to stay longer this time, just to cheer me up?
Gliding across the water, so stately and calm, they remind me of all the beauty we've shared, and I'm so grateful.
Don't forget, dear: you are loved!
Peter, dear ~ good news!
Your little hummingbird friend is back.
She peeked in the kitchen window, looking for you, but was disappointed.
I told her you're no longer confined inside, and that she can find you swooping around with all your other bird friends.
Happy flying!!!
"Their Love";
Happy, joyously happy,
Because of love, not sought after,
Found when most needed,
Cherished, filled with laughter,
Perhaps when she first greeted,
A wise man with red suspenders,
That brightened her life,
As he did so many others,
Both had known the loss of loved ones,
You see, so their meeting was meant to be,
Their love so true, so full of adventure,
Traveling and sharing the love of the sea,
In good times, and in difficult days,
In so, so many ways,
Peter is a healing balm,
And such a great love in the heart,
Of my wonderful Alex, my sister.
Yesterday, before Mass at St. Anthony's church on Via Verdi in Marina de Pietrasanta, Toscana where Ron & I are presently, I lit a candle in fond remembrance of pleasant times together with Pete, Cynthia,John, Andrew, Robert as our children grew up to maturity. Cynthia's death was a tragedy. I am glad Pete met and wed Alex and found a measure of happiness as they shared their lives together during these last years of his life. A couple with a young child picked up the candle I lit and used it to light another. A few moments later, another child lit a candle from mine. So the Circle of Life and remembrances of kindnesses continues.
